Bad Economy Jokes

I think we all need a laugh after all the stress this economy is giving us. Found a list of jokes from disaboom.

  • The economy is so bad that African television stations are showing ‘Sponsor an American Child’ commercials!
  • The economy is so bad, a picture is now only worth 200 words.
  • It’s so bad, Snoop Dogg had to start eating regular brownies.
  • The economy is so bad, I saw the CEO of Wal-Mart shopping at Wal-Mart.
  • The economy is so bad, law school students are having to get a law degree online because they can’t afford gas for their Maserati.
  • The economy is so bad, I went to my bank the other day and the teller handed me a note saying, “This is a robbery!”
  • The economy is so bad, George W. Bush appeared in a flight suit and declared economic recovery was complete.
  • The economy is so bad, Bill Gates had to switch to dial up.
  • The economy is so bad, Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
  • The economy is so bad, Dr. Seuss rose from the grave to write a new book: Green Eggs and Spam.
  • The economy is so bad that I went to my bank to get a loan, they said, “What a coincidence! That’s just what we were going to ask you!”
  • The economy is so bad, rapper 50 Cent had to change his name to 10 Cent.
  • The economy is so bad, Barack Obama changed his slogan to “Maybe We Can!”
  • The economy is so bad, my ATM gave me an IOU!
  • The economy is so bad that the highest-paying job in town is jury duty.
  • The economy is so bad I saw a man in Costco buying one roll of toilet paper.
  • The economy is so bad that I saw a van full of legal immigrants illegally crossing the border to Mexico.
  • The economy is so bad, I became a Pastafarian hoping that a meatball will appear to me.
  • The economy is so bad that parents in Bevery Hills are considering raising their own children.
  • The economy is so bad that even people who aren’t in Barack Obama’s cabinet aren’t paying taxes.
  • The economy is so bad I saw a polygamist with only one wife.
  • The economy is so bad that I saw someone using the sun to get a tan!
  • The economy is so bad that wives are having sex with their husbands because they can’t afford batteries.
  • The economy is so bad, I saw four CEOs playing miniature golf.
  • The economy is so bad, Hot Wheels stock is trading higher than GM.
  • The economy is so bad, Obama met with three small businesses to discuss his Stimulus Plan: GM, Pfizer, and Citigroup.
  • It’s so bad, McDonalds is introducing the 1/4-Ouncer.
  • The economy’s so bad, Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
  • The economy is so bad, mothers in Ethiopia are telling their children, “Finish your meal! Don’t you know there are starving children in the US?”
  • The economy is so bad, that a prostitute asked me if she could borrow $20 until she can get back on her back.
  • It’s so bad, a stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
  • The economy is so bad, that Martha Stewart did a show on creative uses for food stamps.
  • The economy is so bad, Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
  • The economy is so bad, my sister had an exorcism but couldn’t afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
  • The economy is so bad, even sexy Tabrett Bethell cannot save Legend of the Seeker.
  • The economy is so bad, that I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase was a bank.
  • It’s so bad, I got a pre-declined credit cards in the mail.
  • The economy is so bad, hobos in Beverly Hills now have to drink tap water.
  • The economy is so bad, Barack Obama unveiled his plan to close Guantanamo Bay for good: He’s turning it into a bank!
  • The economy is so bad, that the White House turkey turned down his Thanksgiving pardon– all his wealth was in stocks, and he has nothing to live for.
  • The economy is so bad, Sarah Palin is only shooting moose for food, not for fun.
  • It’s so bad, I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asked, “Can you afford fries with that?”
  • The economy is so bad, my niece told me she wants to dress up as a 401-K for Halloween so that she can turn invisible.
  • The economy is so bad, that instead of a coin toss at the beginning of the Super Bowl, they played “Rock, Paper, Scissors.”
  • The economy is so bad that Roy’s tigers are now eating him out of necessity.
  • The economy is so bad, the Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
  • It’s so bad, they built an Indian reservation on a casino.
  • The economy is so bad, people are standing behind George Bush wherever he goes hoping for free shoes.
  • The economy is so bad, Michael Phelps has to share a bong.
  • The economy is so bad that when Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
  • The economy is so bad, a certain celebutante changed her name to “Paris Holiday Inn.”
  • The economy is so bad, Malia and Sasha Obama started a lemonade stand to raise money for bailouts.
  • It’s so bad, the Lone Ranger sold his silver bullets on Ebay.
  • The economy is so bad that 7 of 10 houses on Sesame Street are in foreclosure.
  • The economy is so bad that the only company hiring this week is the one that sends people to scrape bankers off the sidewalk on Wall Street.
  • It’s so bad, they renamed Wall Street “Wal-Mart Street.”
  • The economy is so bad, Angelina had to adopt a highway.

Hope you enjoy these jokes. Smile a bit!

Make Money With Safe Recession Proof Jobs

In the Time article, of the 150 Best Recession-Proof Jobs Overall, the list is reasonable enough but not for low education workers. Jobs like registered nurses and computer analysts require a degree, which is costly and hard to budget in this bad economy. Here are the 6 jobs I picked out from their list of recession proof jobs.

Recession Proof Careers

  1. School Bus Driver – requires you to take students, special needs children, or the elderly to their destinations.  You must be able to drive a large vehicle and follow safety rules. For those with disabilities, you may need to assist them when they exit and enter the bus.
  2. Automotive Glass Installers and Repairers – Replace or repair broken windshields and window glass in motor vehicles. No school education required as these are on the job trained. With a steady client base, you can start your own glass installer and glass repairing business.
  3. Pest Control Workers – Use chemical solutions to remove and control undesirable insects and animals. Pests include rats, mice, and other rodents as well as termites, cockroaches, spiders, bedbugs, ants, fleas, bees, wasps, birds and snakes. Pest control workers are also known as exterminators.
  4. Postal Service Mail Sorters, Processors, and Processing Machine Operators – Prepare incoming and outgoing mail for distribution. Examine, sort, and route mail by State, type of mail, or other scheme. Load, operate, and occasionally adjust and repair mail processing, sorting, and canceling machinery. Keep records of shipments, pouches, and sacks; and other duties related to mail handling within the postal service. Requires you to take an entrance exam. This is considered a government job.
  5. Funeral Attendants – See description here.
  6. Clerical Library Assistants – Compile records, sort and shelve books, and issue and receive library materials such as pictures, cards, slides and microfilm. Locate library materials for loan and replace material in shelving area, stacks, or files according to identification number and title. Register patrons to permit them to borrow books, periodicals, and other library materials.

These are just a few jobs with lower degree and educational requirements than the other jobs on the list.

Summer Youth Stimulus Job Opportunities

Part of the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009 includes a section that puts 1.2 billion in youth initiative programs and creates 1 million youth jobs.

$1,200,000,000 for grants to the States for youth activities, including summer employment for youth

 The age limit for the summer jobs will also be raised from 21 to 24 years of age. So those from 14-24 may now apply for the jobs. Youth employment plays a huge part in educating the youth about real world job experience and allows them to gain confidence to work in those professions.

In a roundabout way, youth are known to spend their paychecks by buying the latest gadgets. More spending means more stimulus to the economy. Young adults can also help their families, who may be struggling with bills, with their summer employment money.